god i started reading this book and the first goddamn sentence was “i was nine years old the first time i tried to kill a man, and although in the end i was glad my attempt failed, i had been looking forward to the opportunity for quite some months” so U KNOW ITS GONA BE A WILD RIDE

LMAO does my evil landlady who’s tried to withhold my security deposit know how fucking dumb she is for not sending a list of made up fake damages to justify her flagrant and unlawful disregarding of the legally binding contract SHE signed???

because if i take this to court (and i hope i won’t have to) she’d owe me the goddamn security deposit twice over plus any legal fees