trust me on this

LUX BONTERI just sounds like the name of a fringy middle relief pitcher for like, the padres or something who’s DECENT but regularly gets optioned between the big league club and aaa el paso for a few seasons cos he’s not QUITE GOOD ENOUGH, then eventually gets released and signs with an independent ballclub and after putting up great numbers in indy ball gets signed by like, the rays or athletics or something and reinvents himself as a REALLY good set-up man for a couple seasons while his team makes a run at the post-season, but despite his success ends up being best know for giving up the game winning grand slam in game 7 of the alcs to mike freaking trout and crushing his team’s dreams and then the next season trying to move forward and finally get his team to the world series he tears his ucl in mid april and has to get tommy john surgery and, while he recovers enough to get back on the field, he’s never quite the same pitcher and ends up journeyman pitcher briefly playing for like, 7 more big league clubs and even a brief stint in the kbo that didn’t go so well, before he finally retires at 34, fully content that he gave it his all in major league baseball and has plenty of stories to tell his grandchildren, and – while he has plenty of money to support his family, thanks to a lofty signing bonus from when the padres drafted him 12th overall out of high school and a decent major league salary – he goes into the real estate business and coaches his kid’s little league team in his free time